A Brief History of The Daily Drivel

The year was 1853, Millard Fillmore was president of the 31 States and slavery was all the rage. The young country was in dire need of change, it needed a voice, a new voice, not one influenced by politics,money and power, but an independent voice of the people.

Cornelius Cumberbatch, a farmer and blacksmith decided one morning, out of the blue, to report on local events. Cornelius Cumberbatch had no formal education and was barely literate, but he was determined to become a reporter, as he told his family, “I can’t write a lick, and I don’t know much of anything outside of planting crops and forging metals, but I feel this is my calling.”

Using small, simple words and crudely formed sentences, Cornelius Cumberbatch began his career as a journalist, writing about local stories that he found interesting. The Daily Drivel has remained true to its founder’s style.

Here is a part of his first published news story-

….Local Woman Dreams Of Indoor Plumbing
Martha Crapper is sick and tired of her nightly trip to the family outhouse. She dreams of a day when she can step out of bed,walk across the room and relieve herself in her own home, without the trouble of getting dressed and going outside to a cold, dark outhouse. Sounds like a pipe dream if you ask me.

“I usually trip over a chicken or two on my midnight trips to the privy, this darn weak bladder of mine. I hate going out there in the pitch dark, but what choice do I have? Someday, someday before I meet my maker, I’m going to be able to go number 2 in the house, I feel it in my gut,” said Martha Crapper.

Martha’s husband, John, an inventor, has been trying to rig up devices using chamber pots, but so far has been unsuccessful in his efforts.

“John is a smart guy, he’ll figure this out. Obviously I didn’t marry him for his money, you’ve seen the size of this house,” said Martha, “believe me, we’ll come up with something, I can’t take much more of this outhouse nonsense. When we do, the name Crapper will finally be famous for something.”

Good luck, Martha, in the meantime wear a warm coat, bring a candle and watch out for those darn chickens. Cornelius Cumberbatch reporting.

Cornelius Cumberbatch devoted the rest of his short life to his newspaper, giving up on farming and blacksmithing much to the dismay of his wife and 7 children. Cumberbatch didn’t make a cent with his newspaper, due to the fact that no one read his reports. A tradition that has remained virtually unchanged since that fateful year of 1853.

There have been numerous imitators over the years, but The Daily Drivel has remained true to the vision of its creator, the inimitable Cornelius Cumberbatch. A talentless man, but a man with a deep conviction to report the news, his way.