REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HERMAN CAIN DENIES CHARGES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT WHILE GROPING REPORTER

8 Nov

Interviewing Herman Cain and trying not to get pregnant was no easy feat.  I met the Republican presidential hopeful at the Ritz Carlton for a simple, non-confrontational Q & A session. Mr. Cain was very cordial as he introduced himself and sat down in the chair across from me in the crowded hotel lobby. We started our discussion, very informally, discussing current events, such as sports and movies. I did not want to get off on the wrong foot with any hard hitting questions or perceived accusations. I wanted to try to get to know the man before I rushed to judgment. I certainly got to know the man. Intimately.

A few minutes into the conversation I felt my chair moving, very slowly, barely noticeable, but definitely moving. I ignored it at first, trying to focus my full attention on Mr. Cain. Suddenly our chairs were touching and I realized he had been pulling me closer with his foot while speaking, never breaking eye contact.   

I remained professional, regarding this as a simple attempt at a prank or perhaps as a way to hear better above the din of the busy hotel lobby. I continued my discussion with the possible presidential candidate, slowly inching closer to the questions of his alleged sexual misconduct, as he slowly inched closer to me. I was confused. Was he hard of hearing? Was there really a piece of lint on my chest that he casually brushed away? If there was it must have kept coming back, because he seemed determined and kept brushing.

Without missing a beat, Mr. Cain talked about his controversial 9-9-9 tax plan while successfully unbuttoning my blouse and removing my bra. Now, topless, but still trying to conduct a professional interview, I listened to the points Mr. Cain was making as he treated my exposed breasts as if they were made of Play-Doh.

He talked of his foreign policy plans, but I could not quite understand what he was saying as he took deep breaths and repeatedly motorboated my breasts. The only part of his foreign policy that I understood was his arms policy, one of which went completely up my dress.

Mr. Cain categorically denied all the allegations of his sexual harassment as he removed his slacks and straddled my chair, and as an objective reporter I am inclined to take him at his word. It is possible that his accusers could be mistaken about his intentions, he is an extremely friendly man. 

The interview ended abruptly as he was called away by an adviser with an urgent phone call. As I gathered up my clothes from the floor of the hotel lobby I was still unclear about who Herman Cain really was. What had I really learned today? Are the allegations against this successful businessman just misunderstandings or is there more to it?  I guess we’ll have to follow his campaign closely and see how it all unravels. 

DD (Mahalia Cabb reporting)


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