12 Dec

The winter baseball meetings have already produced a number of key free agent signings. The Marlins have acquired former Mets shortstop Jose Reyes and ex- White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle, the Angels have signed former Cardinals 1st baseman Albert Pujols and ex-Rangers pitcher CJ Wilson, and big names like Prince Fielder are still on the market. Some teams are dumping salaries in an effort to regroup, while others are on spending sprees attempting to bolster their rosters for next year.

The strangest signing so far this off season belongs to the NY Mets who have offered Gumby a 3 year contract worth a reported $480. The dark green clay figure doesn’t know how to play baseball, so he should fit in well with the Mets.

“We were looking for an affordable replacement for [Jose] Reyes, and this young man just fell into our laps. He’s not  a five tool player like Reyes, but it will have to do because, quite frankly, we are completely broke,” said Mets GM Sandy Alderson.

Saying that Gumby is not in the same league with reigning NL batting champion Jose Reyes is an understatement. Gumby is actually not in anyone’s league, as the clay figure has never even thrown a baseball before. This signing is a head scratcher and will test the patience of a fan base who have been let down year after year by a very confusing organization.

“2006 we were supposed to make it to the World Series and of course we know how that went. Each season since has gotten progressively worse, now this. Gumby? I shouldn’t be shocked by the way this team has been going lately, but Gumby? Really? He doesn’t play baseball and isn’t he about 60 years old? It doesn’t make sense, but that’s what this team is known for. They were probably too cheap to make an offer to Pokey. Hell, everyone knows that Gumby can’t run. Why would you sign Gumby and not Pokey?  Typical blundering Mets,” said Mets fan Amy Bergstein.

Gumby plans to work very hard this winter to get into shape and take over the role as the Mets everyday shortstop left vacant by Jose Reyes. It’s a relatively inexpensive option for a team whose money woes have been well documented in the past year.

“Whatever Gumby can give us will be an improvement from what we have right now, and I’m sure he can’t hit  any worse than Jason Bay. He’s going to be just fine, after all, he’s Gumby damn it,” said Alderson.

DD (Wilma Pantzfit reporting)

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