26 Jun

Worthington, Oh- In what some scientists are describing as a ground breaking discovery, an automobile mechanic who doesn’t overcharge unsuspecting motorists for unnecessary “repairs” was actually found alive and working in an Ohio suburb.

“I am truly speechless,” said Dr. Laszlo Ferrar, “I had almost given up hope that one actually existed. I’ve spent the better part of 20 years searching for this elusive creature. There were rumors about possible sightings, but it always ended the same way, in utter disappointment, a ‘new’ timing belt and a bill for $600. Until now.”

Bill James, the world’s first honest mechanic, has been repairing automobiles for the residents of Worthington, Ohio, a small suburb of Columbus, for the past 40 years.

James, 58, whose motto, “An honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay” is unprecedented in the auto repair industry.

This discovery, once unheard of, has now changed the heart and mindset of even the most jaded consumers.

“I brought my ’99 Ford Tempo in for an oil change, and do you know what I got? An oil change. An actual oil change. I couldn’t believe it!” exclaimed Debbie Casali,”usually when I bring my car to a shop for an oil change I get a bill for a fuel pump and brake pads. I am shocked, I thought there must be something wrong with this man or maybe he was just mentally challenged and couldn’t add. He gave me a bill for $21. I stood there dumbfounded, he had to help me to a chair so that I could sit down, I felt a little dizzy by the whole experience.”

It is a mystery how a discovery like this has eluded scientists, consumer advocists, and the media for four decades. Some experts are equating this to capturing a unicorn or swimming with a mermaid. A myth, a fantasy, which was written off long ago as the musings of dreamers who were not grounded in reality.

“My colleagues scoffed at my research and told me I had a better chance of capturing the Loch Ness Monster. I’ve left them all slaw-jacked with this discovery of Mr. James. He may actually earn me a shot at a Nobel Prize,” said Dr.Ferrar.

As with any discovery of this magnitude the speculation of a hoax is bandied about. Many in the auto repair industry claim Bill James is a fraud, most notably other repair shops located in and around Worthington.

“Impossible,” said Cletus Mayhew of the Firestone Complete Auto Care Center on N. High Street, “James ain’t no real mechanic. Can’t be. There’s no way he charges those prices and runs an auto repair shop. No way! We got lots of overhead to pay for, we can’t have you come in here for just an oil change, it’s impossible! We need to charge at least $300 on every job or we might as well close our doors. That’s the way it is. Every mechanic worth his salt knows that. I’ll say it again, James ain’t no real mechanic! Remember where you heard that, Ol’ Cletus Mayhew over here at Firestone on N. High Street.
And when you come to your senses, bring your car on over, we’re runnin’ a free diagnostic test this week on all makes and models, but bring your checkbook, just in case we find somethin’ wrong.” DD

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