Archive | Lifestyle RSS feed for this section


19 Nov


Let’s cut right to the chase cause I’m busy working on a few projects and my time is precious. Our first letter this week comes from Cal in Camden:

Mr. B E-  My wife and I would like to re-do our bathroom, but as you know, times are tough. The room is approximately 10′ x 4′. Can you give me a realistic estimate on the cost of this job if we do it ourselves? (We’ve never attempted a job like this).

Cal, what do you mean when you say “as you know times are tough”? Do you think that I can’t pay my bills or something? What have you heard Cal? Have you been speaking with my good for nothin’ in-laws? Let me clue you in on something Jack, I may have missed a payment here and there, but only because I’m busy with some goddamn projects, not because I don’t have the funds. I’ve got a lot on my mind and sometimes paying the bills isn’t high on the list. Got that Cal? I may have borrowed some money from a few people on my wife’s side of the family but only because my money is invested and I don’t want to touch it. JESUS CAL, you got me all worked up right out of the gate.

Mr. B E- I have a leak in my inground pool and the pool guy that I use can’t find the problem. Do you have any suggestions?  Bradley from Thousand Oaks

Sounds like someone needs to trim their freakin’ toe nails. Bradley, listen, be happy that you can afford a home with an inground pool and stop your bitchin’. As Cal from Camden reminds us- TIMES ARE TOUGH. Sounds like it’s gut check time and it might be time for a new liner. If you’re hurting for cash like me ( isn’t that right Cal?), then you can try some cheaper options like getting some food coloring and pouring a little in, around the edges, to see if it gets sucked out of the pool. Try it around the stairs and some of the areas where there is a lot of possible wear and tear.  If it’s a slow leak, try this cheap remedy- Once a week sneak into your neighbor’s yard and pull their hose over the fence and fill up your pool. Do this late at night or while they’re at work. Their water bill will go up, and they’ll probably think they have a leak somewhere in their house. This will provide you with a cost free solution and also provide some entertainment watching them rip their house apart in search of a leak.

MR. B E- My house is always cold and I think it may be the windows. Before I hire someone to install new windows I was wondering if there is something else I could do to warm the house up. Bud from Baltimore

Bud, I’m going to share with you a little secret. I love caulk. I can’t get enough caulk. You might even call me a caulk sucker. Now Bud, I don’t even know you, but I’m ready to show you how my caulk works. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. First, determine if any air is flowing through your closed windows by holding a lit candle close to the window seams. If the flame bends or flutters, then you, my friend, have a draft. You’re going to want to fill that nasty crack with some of your big ol’ caulk.  Don’t be stingy with your caulk Bud, use as much of it as you need to. To begin, hold your caulk at a 45-degree angle so that the tip will fit nicely into the seam and push the caulk along the seam in a smooth motion. When filling larger gaps, move more slowly to let your caulk adequately fill that big hole. Finally, use a wet finger to smooth out your caulk to finish the job. It’s gonna be wet for awhile Bud,  so move on to the next crack while you still have some caulk left. In 12 hours or so your caulk should be good and hard, if you used it properly. That should warm you up this season. I think you’ll come to love caulk as much as I do. 

That’s all I have time for this week, keep sending your emails and letters to The Daily Drivel and I’ll answer them if I get a chance. Or not.