7 Jan

New York- The Jets may never reach another Superbowl. Don’t blame Mark Sanchez’s weak arm. Don’t blame offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer’s faulty play calling. Don’t even blame head coach Rex Ryan’s big mouth. The Jets are cursed,  according to Joe Namath.

Watching another Jets season end in agonizing failure, Joe Namath is finally speaking up. The Hall of Fame ex-quarteback has decided to unburden himself of a 43 year old secret. 

“Well, I don’t know quite where to start,” said a soft spoken Namath, “I really wanted to win it all in ’68.  I thought we had a pretty good shot, we sure had a lot of talent on that team, but in my opinion we were just a little short in some areas. Mickey [Mantle] introduced me to someone who had helped him with his career, and I listened to his proposal. I didn’t want to do it, but I thought with just a little help we could win the Superbowl. I hesitated until we made the playoffs and my body was really dinged up, that’s when I made a deal with the man downstairs.”

Namath’s shocking admission has taken the sports world by surprise, especially the battered fan base of the New York Jets. The deal that Joe from Beaver Falls struck with the devil turned him into Broadway Joe- a Superbowl winning quarterback and a world famous celebrity. A good deal for Namath. Not so good for the future of the Jets.

“I sold my soul for a championship. I guaranteed it, as you all know. The deal I made said that the team would not win or even play in another Superbowl while I was still alive. I’ve done some hard living since that day, shoot I didn’t think I was going to hit my40th birthday, this year I’m gonna be 69. I feel terrible about what’s happened to the team and I apologize to the fans for living so long. It isn’t fair to you guys, I guess I shoulda lived even harder in the 1970′s,” said Namath.

There is a glimmer of hope with Jets fans knowing that Namath is almost 70 years old, and his hard partying days are sure to catch up with him sooner rather than later. That may not be soon enough for some of the more die-hard fans who have suffered through over four decades of losing and may try to assist their hero into the great beyond, finally terminating the curse. Watch your back Mr. Namath, these Jets fans are desperate for another championship and may resort to just about anything to make that happen.

“ No team could be this unlucky, there had to be something else going on,” said lifelong Jets fan Dean R (who refused to give his real last name),”I love Joe Namath, but he needs to die. Tonight if possible! If not tonight, then definitely before training camp because I can no longer suffer through another season of losing with this awful team.”

A majority of fans echo this sentiment, most of whom are too young to have seen or remember the lone championship the team won in 1969. They have always loved Joe, but if his living is preventing them from winning they will be happy to see him go, especially the one he struck the deal with- “I’ve been waiting for old Joe for quite some time now. He’s lasted much longer than I had anticipated, but that’s ok, I’m patient. Joe’s had a lot of hot dates in his day, but he’s about to have a real scorcher. I guarantee it,” said the devil.

DD (Laszlo Ferrar reporting)